Blossoming

 

I have been immersed in Michael Beckwith's, "Spiritual Libration" book and CD for weeks now, augmented by LightBody meditations, Clarity Breathwork and coaching sessions by Maggie, Agape sermons on my ippod at the gym, readings on ascension and now "Conscious Loving" by the Hendrick's. Meanwhile, working at a sustained intense pace in HoopGirl and navigating a chaotic marriage, trying to stay in shape for big video and photo shoots and managing my own expanding awareness at the same time. Waking up in the middle of such momentum has been interesting.

Many big realizations have been downloading for me, but for this blog I'll just explore the first -- blossoming. Allowing myself to unfurl and bloom instead of staying in a closed, small tight bud. I have been exerting a lot of effort to stay un-bloomed and it is exhausting! I want to let life energy flow through me!

I am acknowledging that I have a lifepath before me which is much bigger than HoopGirl. Since I have been in the hoop biz for 7 years, it has been easy to limit myself to it's story of my life... but the economic downturn has hit my company hard and had me asking questions. I have been so committed to a path of service that I have often neglected my own financial needs. It has been a labor of love, literally. But now I find myself wanting things which other overworking professionals seem to easily achieve -- a home, a family, vacations, etc, and they are not flowing into my lap. Also, even more importantly, my spirit is asking for more. 

I feel like I have birthed something beautiful in HoopGirl, but I realize that it only begins to touch on what I am capable of. The business administrative work, financials, organizational drone work-- it is numbing to me. The essence of what excites me most about Hoopgirl is what happens at classes and especially, the teacher trainings -- working one-on-one with inspired, passionate women who are ready to move to the next level of potential in their lives. Also co-teaching with Candice -- a woman who really inspires me to step into my highest self. Being surrounded by excellence and nurturing excellence in others. 

These events leave me breathless and excited and filled with life energy. I feel compelled to share everything I know about success and empowerment and I am always amazed by the transformations which unfold before my eyes. Conscious languaging, exploring how beliefs create reality and training others to authentically respond instead of react. The art of being impeccable. Speaking from one's heart in honest and direct, encouraging ways. These dynamics excite me!

I love being surrounded by those who are so committed to making their passion the focus of their life. I love helping them move through their limiting beliefs and step into new ones. I love being surrounded by those who want to share their joy with others. I love the intensity of the environment -- 24 hours of deep work and pure presence. While hooping is the vehicle for this experience in my current work, I almost feel it is limiting the potential of how many people I truely would work with along these lines -- broader lines of pure, passionate empowerment for life success. This is the vital energy which hooping actvates for me. The wild, exhilerated, happy, powerful creative brilliance which it downloads. Now I feel called to focus on the essence in a much more direct way, without requiring the hoop training to be the only vehicle there. Exploring the path to conscious, joyful, presence. Unlocking your own genius code for personal and planetary inspiration and healing. This is the deep work asking to be done.

This all feels really scary. Stepping out of what is expected of me and honoring my spirit's calling even though the path is completely unclear and unpredictable. I ask myself, if I really was to streamline HoopGirl to continue running in an optimized way but also open myself to exploring this new, larger work... how? I feel a lot of expectations upon me at the moment to be the HoopGirl. At the same time, my spirit rebels by the insane limitations of this label. Though, at the same time, I can't help but wonder what people would think of me stepping into a larger or new aspect of who I am. Perhaps I am also afraid of some judgement? Disrespect?  

And what the heck is this bigger self which is unfolding? What's the job description of this bigger work? How does it help feed me and return the energy to me which I want to share through it? Can it truely help me actualize my full potential in a healthy reciprocal way while inspiring and energizing others?

I have been deeply contemplating this over the last weeks. No answers yet... but I am called to take some kind of training in Life Coaching in 2009, and also to make time for studies on my PhD program in Parapsychic Science. I also feel called to deepen my studies of Abraham (via the writings of the Hicks), Byron Katie's The Work, and to do some past life regression work (and maybe even hypotherapy training). Also, I feel a strong pull to organize much of my spiritual writings into a book, put together a retreat or events for 2009 with Candice to explore this realm of personal transformation in non-hooping ways a bit more. Something wants to birth. I want to make space! 

Comments

[sass]

my beautiful sister, i cannot wait! i too feel cracked wide open to receive the gifts the universe is about to bestow in whatever way.
i love you.
sass

[Vera]

Christabel, I am so excited for you! I just finished a week-long past life regression certification course in Sedona, AZ, and it was an amazingly spiritual and loving experience. Read about it in my blog if you are interested.

[Kara]

I look forward to your blossoming and the evolution of your life path. I think that you may find that as you step into your power, fulfill your divine blueprint, and follow your heart into this new territory of business, life, and love, that some relationships and associates may fall away - to leave room for even greater connections with people who love the authentic you. Your plan and longings beyond HoopGirl sound excellent and I encourage you to do what you desire and not worry about what others may think. When we individually transform we collectively transform and as you are ready to share your new offerings there will be people likewise ready to co-create, participate, and evolve along with you. Blessings!