light bliss

Re-Claiming Divine Feminine Authority

I've been watching a show called, "The Tudors" on Netflix. I've been adoring the sumptuous gowns, jewels, magestic crowns, gilded jackets and regal attire. But in addition to the eye candy entertainment, i've been intrigued by something further in the show...dynamics between the sexes as represented there. 

In nearly every love/sex/romantic entanglement depicted, a situation occurs where a woman is manipulated in terms of how she serves the desires of a man. Wether she initially had any interest in him or not, it is the man's desire for a woman which determines her response and desire for him.

In response, I have realized that my own attractions have often been often been amplified by the power of a man's attraction towards me. Also, I have historically quelled intuitive guidance in many of my relationships. Instead of validating my own concerns when they went against my partner's perceptions, I have tended to "stuff" my emotions and truth and instead questioned my own self. Another curiosity is how impulsively appealing the alpha male personality is to me, even in it's dominion. What the heck is that all about? This is my current self inquiry and evolution. Needed inner work while reclaiming divine goddess-dom...

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Identifying My Superpower: Shapeshifting!

I think about super powers a lot. I think we all have them. Perhaps not as overtly as in the show, Heroes, but in reality, none the less. For some of us, they beam forth bright and obvious. For others, they lie latent, just below the surface and at times aching for emergence.

It has taken me 36 years to realize that my gift is shapeshifting. I am an bio energetic change-agent. I change and transmit CONSTANTLY. Sometimes it is as if I am speeding through multiple lifetimes. Adapting to challenges. Morphing my thoughts to uplevel my vibration under the most trying circumstances. Changing my whole look as I float through specific groups for work or play. It isn't something I have consciously considered until now, actually. But as I write about it, I see more and more how much I have realigned myself as a life practice.

Mastering the art of shapeshifting is vital and juicy for me. I am somewhat obsessed with the transformation and transmutation of energy on emotional (upleveling emotions to joy), mental (changing my thoughts) and physical levels (hooping, raw food, nutrition and dance). It is the invisible thread which unites all my diverse interests. It is that elusive gift I think I may have which I could never quite identify.

I think this is why I feel a surge of passion about performing hooping. A rush which I felt last night while performing at the Hoop Path retreat was the feeling that I could morph my physical and emotional body into a brand new shape, color and tone while dancing. It was almost like turning the dial on some intergalactic antennae. I chose to transmit a specific emotional frequency. What was even more zingy was realizing that the message had been received... at least 5 people said that they cried while I danced. Not that I was trying to transmit a feeling of sadness or grief, but I realized that the "total surrender to what is" which I have been feeling during these great changes in my life, the "letting go" ... that "surrender sense of being achingly alive, coming home to myself and growing", was received. Even though I have had many tears with my own experience of this, the last thing I expected was for some people watching to share that with me! It was like I was really able to share a part of who I am. Neato.

Deer Visitation

 

This morning as I was walking the Dipsea steps listening to a Solar Radiance meditation, a giant buck jumped across right in front of me! It landed on the other side, scrambled on the rocky, steep slope, and then stopped, turned it's giant antlered head and looked right at me. The antlers looked almost fuzzy and they were massive and it's eyes were so big and dark and glittery. Then it ambled away.

I stood stark still and just stared at it, wondering what message it had for me. Attunement? Gentleness? Innocene? Freshness?

I believe in the value of signs and symbols as they appear in daily life. I trust the Universe to lead and advise me in valuable ways! The meaning of this deer for me, this morning? I think it is time to shower myself in gentle love and allow new adventures! In response to this... I've decided to try at least one new thing every day as far into the future as I can...

Today: I will go to my new local library, get a card and order/check out a book I saw at the airport which looked interesting about networking called, "Never Eat Alone". I will also go to the comedy club next door to my house this evening after doing some laughter yoga exercises here in my apartment for 15 minutes beforehand. 

Harmonic Realignment

What a full moon weekend! I've been feeling surges of energy since Thursday when I noticed moonlight streaming into my livingroom. Lying in the light has felt so replenishing every night, soaking in the coolness and magic. There is some alchemy happening in my body's energy centers ~ lots of movement and clearing and opening.

I've been seeing an amazing chiropractor for the first time in about 6 years~ Jesse Morris. He is much more than just a chiropractor, he is also an energy healer and lightworker and full of presence. I loved how he explained that subluxation meant, "dimmed light", and introduced the concept of adjustments in terms of flooding the body with more life force energy and illumination.

I am amazed at all the realizations I have been having ~ how, over the years, I have stored unspoken words and tension in muscles and bones instead of letting it flow through me. The result is that my scoliosis has been greatly aggravated, with my hips twisting un-naturally to the left and my upper rib cage torquing to the right, winding me up into a helix of sorts. So now, I'm tending to my unwinding...

Last night I downloaded Tina Malia's album, "The Silent Awakening" before attending her live concert. I was absolutely enchanted by the heartfelt soulfulness of so many songs... especially, "Heal This Land". It put me in touch with a part of myself I had not connected to in a long time... a wild, powerful goddess side of me which has felt somewhat bridled over the last years. It was a good rememberance.

Today I'm excited to check out Jaya Lakshmi in concert at the first of the two day Powers of the Sphynx Event. I haven't heard her live since I saw her in the 90's with Lost at Last for a Halloween celebration in Santa Cruz. I remember thinking she was an angel from heaven as she sang and we danced ecstatically... wow! Today should be a wonderful reconnection.

There is this pack of kirtan artists of this variety who seem to come through San Francisco quite often, sharing amazing heart-opening frequencies. While I have listened to them in my car on and off over the years and sung my heart out, I am being called to go to more in person concerts now and bathe my body in the sonic waves...

While I was absorbing the light-filled songs last night, I had this realization that the whole bay area is like a giant burning man event. Every weekend and many weekdays, there are just so many diverse, amazing events going on. Crazy house music parties, inspired kirtan singing, divine dancing, ecstatic movement and visual and sonic arts of all varieties! Again, the last couple years I have primarily "stayed in my own camp" -- attending hooping or electronic house music events, in general. I am loving this blossoming happening now to receive the true abundance which is overflowing here... just allowing myself to migrate to new, inspiring and healing environments as I feel called. I am so lucky to live here! I love living in Marin, and I love the freedom my wonderful car gives me to travel anywhere I please. Thank you!