I'm reading a great book called, Conscious Loving: The Journey to Co-Commitment, by Gay and Kathlyn Hendricks. I recommend it highly! I've had a lot of friends asking about it, so I thought I would write a quick summary. While many of these ideas may seem obvious, seeing them all at once and actually committing to them is a big deal!
The underlying message of the book is that by entering into a relationship with an emphasis on being whole and by sharing basic agreements, you can access a level of creativity where both partners can become more than they ever could have alone. It also creates a portal to a level of shared intimacy which is deeply nourishing, exciting and even sacred. This is a very inspiring topic for me right now since I am determined to clear away all conscious and unconscious obstacles to intimacy in my life...
According to the Hendrick's, to achieve this kind deeply intimate relationship, each partner needs share 3 commitments and agree to 6 intentions:
1. Feel all your feelings. Many of us waste a lot of time hiding how we truly feel. Committing to really feeling how you feel, instead of avoiding it, is key.
2. Tell the microscopic truth. This means speaking about your internal experience as you are feeling it. The speaker reveals the raw data in the moment as it is experienced. For example, "When you said that you were leaving for the weekend I felt a tight band of constriction in my chest and a number of thoughts flew through my head, such as "I wonder if he's bored with me?" Speaking the microscopic truth, especially about things which we feel uncomfortable voicing, is very healing and creates true intimacy.
3. Keep your agreements. You can train your nervous system to stay at a high level of aliveness by agreeing to feel all your feelings and tell the microscopic truth. Spend additional time with your partner identifying shared values which nourish you both. Create and meticulously keep your agreements.
Once a partnership can agree to these pre-requisites, there are specific shared intentions which can create a co-creative relationship:
1. I commit myself to full closeness and to clearing up anything within me which stands in the way. When two people commit to clearing up all the big and little things which stand in the way of true closeness, amazing things happen!
2. I commit myself to my own complete development as an individual. By prioritizing both space and closeness, you inspire wholeness in both yourself and your partner.
3. I commit to revealing myself fully in relationship, not to concealing myself. Focusing on transparency and ways to reveal one's self more fully creates a mindset which is always seeking to increase closeness.
4. I commit myself to the full empowerment of people around me. By looking for ways to inspire others to their full potential, we immediately de-activate co-dependency and elicit greatness from others. This greatness can then re-energize you to rise to your highest potential. What a great commitment!
5. I commit myself to acting from the awareness that I am 100% responsible for my own reality. When each partner claims 100% responsibility for their own life, it eliminates victimhood and power struggles and creates the possibility for authentic intimacy.
6. I commit myself to having a good time in my close relationship! It is important to remember that the purpose of being alive is to feel good and have fun! If both partners can focus on this, it will re-orient daily and long term activities to create more good times.
What a great book! I hope these points are useful to you and welcome your reflections, insights and other reading recommendations.
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