light bliss

Full Moon Lunar Eclipse Winter Solstice Commitment

This full moon, lunar eclipse, Winter Solstice is the perfect time to envision the future we want to create! It is a time to release what is no longer serving and step into a higher vision of intention. Here is my commitment...

I attract people into my life and deepen relationships with those who are over-the-moon excited to co-create connection! I focus on investing in those who love receiving what I have to give and who express it freely and with enthusiasm. These inspiring people excite me just from being who they are and doing what they do in the world... and I uplift them in the same way. We effortlessly give and recieve together because this investment helps us both feel more alive.

I allow myself to lovingly withdraw from those who do not express care or go out of their way to organize around me. I take responsibility for times when I exhibited over-giving, even when normal people would have walked away. I do the inner work needed to become curious about my part in  training some people to believe that bad behavior is ok.

I take a stand for love and my own tremendous value by setting boundaries. I keep my first attention on me so I am grounded in my own center. I take a stand for absolute mutuality, and accept my need to be cherished and nurtured as sacred.

 

 I love myself by setting 3 limits which I will not tolerate in close friends/loves. I avoid people who exhibit:

1. ambivalence about being with me in any way

2. unavailability (emotional, physical, etc)

3. substance reliance, anger management issues, persistent negativity or disrespect

 

I cultivate diamond clarity by setting 3 requirements for close friends or loves whom I invest more of my energy into. These are people who are:

1. committed to passionately living a life that improves the whole of humanity

2. loving, tender and affectionate

3. developed, with ability and interest in communicating, learning, and evolving

 

I play the most with those who share my values! These core values include: connection, positivity, contributing to others, playfulness, sensuality, freedom, excitement, adventure, physicality, clear communication, relaxation, health, inner peace, self care, and wellbeing.

I magnetize Beloveds to me in quantum numbers who want to be my evolutionary playmates!

 

Thank you for this lazer-like clarity! It is done!

 

xoxo

Christabel

 

At Play in the Realms of Tantra... Alone.

How do you grow in new directions which change you, while still sustaining connection in partnership? This question has been on my mind strongly over the past months as I have been attending "intimacy" events solo, even though I have a boyfriend.

Last Wednesday I went to a co-ed tantric experience inspired by the work of David Deida. 10 men and women gathered at a home temple of my women's circle mentor. Though I longed to bring my partner, Kevin, to share the experience, he wasn't interested.  Being personally committed to deepening communication and heart-opening, I still felt absolutely compelled to attend.  

But I had some mixed feelings. I asked myself, "is this okay?", "what does it mean that I want to explore these realms and my partner doesn't?", "how do I have profound experiences of opening and return to a partner who hasn't shared the same type of vulnerable, deep revealing?" Despite these questions, which I have asked before attending similar events, I went. 

Everyone was in a state of heightened presence. There was a sense of electricity in the air, excitement about the practice of "being real".  The focus for the evening was activating the divine masculine energy within the men and the divine feminine energy within the women to create a powerful polarity. Time was spent as one large group, then divided into mens and women's groups doing exercises, then gathering back and each woman working one-on-one with a man (with no touching between men and women, by the way~ all energy work).

The first gem I got was remembering how much being a woman is about being in a body, feeling and expressing emotions. For so much of my life I have tried to hold emotions in when I have gotten distracted by thoughts and fears. I actually had the illusory belief that feeling and expressing too many emotions meant I was "weak". In this environment, I was given full permission to become an embodiment of the great feminine SHE, the generative life force of the universe and all the tidal waves of feeling She carries. I swung my hips, I vocalized, I breathed deep, I squirmed, I cried and everything in between.

I was reminded that being a woman is all about surrendering to to sensation and reveling in the tactile joy that my animal body provides. I felt how I create walls around myself when I get trapped in my mind and close my heart. I felt the absolute awkwardness I create when I force distance between myself and others out of fear.

I also noticed how all these walls come crashing down when I get back into my body, my joyful pleasure and magnetic radiance! I felt how being a woman is about connecting, touching, and "leaning in" to having a human body and feelings. I left with a realization that my personal practice as a divine goddess is to be love, move love and powerfully express my anguish when love is denied. 

The second gem was a realization about why women long for male presence... because it provides a safe container for fully wild, feminine expression! During the exercises where women were coached to unbridled release, unleashing our most chaotic, changing, sensual, intuitive, expressive, raw, emotive selves, the men were coached in holding the most powerful, stable, unmoving, penetrating, calm, un-moveable cosmic-consciousness possible. The reliability of the masculine strength was palpable. There was a massive sense of presence which was unmoving and unchanging within the men, no matter what they witnessed. They were riveted upon the women with 100% focus which was unshakeable and solid, providing a sense of freedom and safety. My body felt like this "maleness" provided an anchor for my feminine abandon... and an invitation to surrender even further into it. 

The third gem I got was a reminder that I am the source of intimacy in my life. I had arrived with some feelings of rejection that night. Before I walked in, I created a Facebook update which I thought would change my thoughts. It read, "I am a snuggle magnet!" Lo and behold, I found myself announcing that I was available for hugs and I got lots of them! It felt completely out of character for me to say something like this and I was delighted that I was able to generate nurturing connection.  I remembered I can be the initiator instead of waiting for it to come from outside myself or only from one specific person. And I also realized that I liked this person I was becoming, a woman who loved offering and sharing physical affection more openly.

I left feeling tingly all over. I had a sense that I had been exactly where I should have been. With or without Kevin, I had continued my own process of awakening. I trust that this is actually the most precious gift I can give to myself, and thereby, to those I love... 

xoxo,

Christabel

Opening to Male Best Friends...

A massive insight I had about myself at the HAI retreat is that I have dozens of close women friends, but very few male best friends. I committed to myself upon leaving this event that I want to cultivate many deep, nourishing friendships with men whom I greatly admire~ men who have sensitivity, depth, presence, courage and emotional transparency.

Here are some new beliefs which I am adopting to help with this...

~ I trust men easily because I trust myself and have healed my past with love.

~Men are safe, beautiful, precious beings of love.

~I have amazing powers of discernment and naturally gravitate to the most nourishing friendships which enrich, respect and affirm me on every level.

~ It is easy to have many friendships with leading edge men who feel like cosmic soul brothers.

~ I do all the inner and outer work needed to become the kind of clear, powerful, wise, loving woman capable of magnetically attracting profound evolutionary friendships with gentle-men.

~ There is a tidal wave of conscious guys with integrity who are everywhere and eager to play, dance and evolve together in friendships.

~ There are millions of men who are living inspiring lives who are emotionally, physically, mentally and spiritually available for empowering, uplifting friendships!

~ I have the luxury of choosing male BFFs who are genuinely interested in who I am, what I stand for and who I am becoming.

~ I am naturally drawn to the places and events which attract men and women who are inspiring to me and find myself surrounded in a loving, awakening community.

~ It is easy for me to connect with my male best friends in ways which leave me feeling energized and excited about life.

~ I have faith that I am being divinely guided towards the most fulfilling, evolutionary friendships with men, while also taking deliberate action to put myself in the right places and and spaces to increase the probability!

~ There are hundreds of unexplored communities surrounding me which are full to busting men who are passionate, committed, open and over-the-moon excited about investing time into a friendship with me!

~ Having more male best friends helps me to experience more trust, love, laughter, and an unlimited number of fun adventures!

~ Having more male best friends allows me to more fully express the truth of who I am as a woman!

~Yay! It is happening! Thank you!

 

 

5 Ways to Deepen Love, Intimacy and Sexuality

Ever wonder what it would be like to gather with 30 other people radically devoted to opening to love, intimacy and sexuality for a whole weekend at a clothing optional hot spring? Well, two weeks ago I got the opportunity. I attended a Human Awareness Institute retreat at Harbin. To say that I was ready to experience more closeness was an understatement. I was desperate for a container to help me feel grounded in love while experiencing extreme life changes.

I couldn't have landed in a better place. It was real, raw and revolutionary!

Here are the insights I gained from the experience...

1. Don't Get Fooled By the Human Spacesuit. It was amazing how quickly I made assumptions about people based on their superficial appearance. I realized that I unconsciously assessed everyone in our circle and created a story in my mind about how some of them were "different" than me. These slightly unconscious judgements were based on demeanor, age, demographic, body posture and size, age, clothing, etc. In the end, I was blown away by the depth, tenderness and presence in all present. Some of the most precious moments I shared were with those I would have initially assumed I had the least in common with. Lesson: Appreciate each and every person as a divine being of love. Cultivate this ability as a sacred practice.

2. Touch More. There was so much hugging and touching at this retreat! It felt so nurturing to be able to connect with people in a safe way with boundaries which allowed melting. I had forgotten how deeply the human body needs contact for it's health and well-being until I was saturated with it. Lesson: Initiate feel-good, respectful touch as much as possible. It just feels good.

3. Be the Source of Intimacy. I realized that I have the power to initiate closeness simply by virtue of how I am breathing with someone, how I gaze at them and how I tenderly behold their presence. I realized that I don't have to wait for others to give me touch and depth of presence. I can never be a "victim" of intimacy's lack because I am in the power position of being able to generate it! Lesson: There can ever be a "scarcity" of intimacy. Take 100% responsibility to be the source and you will always be surrounded by it.

4. Forgive. The beautiful exercises helped me realize how we all, men and women, have had experiences of hurt in our lives. In many instances, these have formed our expectations of what is possible in relationship. When we take the time to forgive those who we feel have "wronged" us, we clear the way for more love in our lives. Lesson: Generously love both men and women. Create a safe environment for them with your compassion. Do your own inner work so you can feel safe, loving, and open with everyone.

5. Be A Love Angel. We have the capacity to be angels of love in our lives, bestowing bright, sparkling affection on all we meet. An angel sees the divine in everyone, regardless of the human spacesuit. An angel's purpose is to radiate light. Lesson: Commit to being an angel of love in your community and open to the miracles which will unfold.

I highly recommend HAI retreats for anyone seeking transformation, heart-opening and conscious community.

xoxo

Christabel

How Kauai and CITO Blasted Open My Heart

It's been almost a month since Kauai-KuanYin-Kali swept through my life, like a tsunami, scouring me clean of any semblance of who I am and where I am going. I am finally ready to write about it.

I've experienced "transformation" before, but I don't even think what has been happening to me qualifies. If it was an earthquake in consciousness, it would be an 8 on the Richter Scale in terms of energy released. There is only usually one earthquake of this magnitude on the planet per year and it generally levels the population where it happens. My life, as I knew it, has pretty much been leveled.

Where do I begin? Well I guess with the facts. I was on a trip to Kauai. I was leading a group of 14 women on a Mermaid Retreat to empower, transform and activate the divine feminine within. It was spectacular, but also humbling to learn the art of retreat facilitation by jumping in with both feet.

I asked for feedback and I got it. I heard it was amazing, life-changing, beyond expectations. And I also heard how edgy I can be. I heard how intimidating I can be. I learned how much women around me long for me to soften and soothe, even while I share direct truth. I learned that they craved more nurturing and support. I took this all in and let it sit in my heart, feeling into the need to soften...

For the next 10 days I was mostly alone. Much of my time on the beach was spent listening to a seminar, "Calling in the One". I didn't sign up for the course. It was a bonus included with another I was enrolled in. I had zero expectations.

After the first session I was curious. After the second I was riveted. I started realizing all my own habitual patterns in how I choose partners based on outdated programming and beliefs from my childhood. I started seeing how I have acted in ways that have "trained" my partners to reinforce my own false beliefs through their actions. And for the first time, I started stretching my imagination into a world of partnership possibilities beyond my own personal experience.

I had already been working releasing an outdated belief, "I am alone", for several months. But this program showed me all the ways I have created a life of living alone, working alone, eating alone, playing alone and even being in a relationship pretty much alone. And here I was, even on vacation in paradise, alone. The feeling was acute after having been living so closely with so many women just the week before.

I stopped by some friend's houses who had families. I found myself suddenly mesmerized by the scenes before me. Spectacularly creative, successful women with beautiful home, in loving couples, everything interwoven with animals, kids, art. And for the first time in my whole life, I felt a pang in my gut. A feeling of regret wondering if I was missing out on something fundamental to being a woman, to being human. I felt a craving I never experienced before.

I just started crying. And honestly, it feels like I have been crying on and off ever since.

Even though I was married before and have been in a relationship since a year afterwards, I always had one foot in and one foot out, ready to roll. I was there and not there, needing lots of "space" and aloneness for me. While this was healthy in some ways, I also realize how it kept me feeling "safe" based on old programming. Kauai and CITO helped me loosen the programs, one sunbeam at a time with every hour on the beach. I started feeling supple.

I realized that I actually do want a life partner in my life. I realized that I wanted to believe it is possible to find and be with "the one". I realized I didn't want to live alone anymore. I realized I wanted the whole set up... a house, maybe a dog, maybe kids down the line. I wanted to cook meals together and play together. And I wanted more intimacy in general, closeness between friends and family.

Since I have been home, things have been wrecked, although in a good way. Most centrally, my heart has been feeling so much of everything. I have felt deep sadness. I have felt elation and joy. I have felt grief. I have felt pain. I have felt excitement. So much feeling! Just giving in and allowing it to run through my body without defenses has been profound.

My relationship with Kevin has been in flux. We are trying to figure out where we can be in the face of all this emotion, change and realization... and I've had to surrender to not knowing what will happen. My practice has been to just keep my heart open and send love...

Overall, I have been realizing, for what feels like the first time since being a small child, how much I have insulated myself and my emotions. I see how my first instinct when I have felt pain has always been to pull away from it and become distant to whomever caused it, instead of expressing that I am feeling hurt. I held so much inside.

So now I'm taking 100% responsibility for this life I've created... responsibility for crafting a life of aloneness. I'm taking responsibility for training everyone around me to think that I can handle everything because I'm so independent and happy being alone. And I am taking responsibility for attracting relationships with men and women who reinforce this belief. I've been visioning into the dream of what I desire and letting the new sensations of what partnership can feel like overcome my whole body.

Meanwhile, I feel like I just want to be close to people. I have been out and about as much as possible, at coffeeshops, with friends, at my mom's for dinners, and at events. I have started talking to strangers. I've announced at gatherings that I'm available to provide hugs and snuggles and have relished in human contact. I've been to an HAI retreat and immersed myself in intimacy, communication and love practices, realizing that I can be the source of the intimacy I so long to experience. I've been studying tantric heart opening in circle and deepening my authenticity and embodiment. It feels good.

I gave notice on my Mill Valley apartment, my sweet precious sanctuary which I said I would "never" leave, to go back where I said I would "never" go~ to San Francisco. I know on a gut level that the quality of close contact I desire, love and abundance is there for me. I'm scared because I love the peace and purity of Mill Valley, but I feel as if the universe is pressing me out of the nest. The city has the intense energy needed to shake up my life from it's habits and get me moving on my destiny path. Two amazing women are elated to move in with me, and I am excited to live with them in community. They are visionary entrepreneurs and I know that we will all learn and grow together.

So I am on the edge of a whole new vision for my life. This is a life where where I do whatever it takes to become the woman capable of attracting the caliber of connection and love into my life which I most deeply desire. I'm rolling up my sleeves to become my own princess in shining armor. I'm breaking free from inertia, blame and shame and taking action. And I'm kind of scared shitless. But I'm doing it anyways.

So that's what's up with me. 

xoxo,

Christabel

 

 

Activating the Magdalene Grid

Tonight I went to an talk at East West bookstore in Mountain View with my dear angelic friend, Ewa to see a presentation about Anna, Grandmother of Jesus. This is an amazing book which I highly recommend to all those intrigued by channelled messages about divine feminine light activation, Essene lightbody initiations and ascension.

I was drawn to attend the event because of my own personal relationship with Mary Magdalene as a tantric teacher and guide. This intrigue with her was deepened by a journey I took to France with my beloved, where we visited her grotto, the cave where she lived out the last thirty years of her life (blog forthcoming about my downloads on the mountain top).

The presentation encouraged us to consider an actual collective entity of Magdalenes with whom we could communicate and consult for guidance. She suggested that this collective is an entire lightbody lineage composed of many, many people~ women and men, who seeded bloodlines with dna activations. Of utter importance as a Magdalene is the urgency in honoring the call to whatever form of sacred work you have been called to do. The role of the Magdalene is to give voice to the divine feminine calling we have been summoned to. She emphasized that the entire lineage took place to seed us, right here and now, in the future. The time is now and it is safe to bring your voiced message into the world! She encouraged us to take the time to connect with the specific Magdalene guide who could most effectively coach us on our life path... and to take the time to activate the Magdalene Grid within our bodies, anchoring a frequency of the ascended collective consciousness into our very cells.

Compelling!

xoxo,

Christabel

 

 

Theta Healing for Staying Soft and Open

-Mother Father God Goddess, vast Creative Force of the Universe which animates all things! Instill me with the capacity to stay soft, open and loving in the midst of uncertainty and change!

- I know how it feels to soften when things become unclear.

- I know how it feels to stay open when the future is uncertain.

- I know how to trust that all is divinely aligned and perfect, even when things are uncomfortable.

- I know how to allow “not knowing” while staying supple.

- I know how to be easygoing even when I am feeling fear.

- I know how to relax into chaos and perceive change as nurturing.

- I know how to feel safe even when the future is uncertain.

- I know how to feel loved even when I am pushed away.

- I understand how to feel warmhearted feelings flowing non-stop, creating a soothing background of affection in my life at all times.

- I know how to melt my heart open with gentle loving tenderness, even when it feels safer to be distant and disconnected.

- I understand how to feel inviting even when my habit is to pull away.

- I understand how it feels to be snuggly and cuddly even when I am alone.

- Creator teaches me Creator’s definition of softness.

- I know what it feels like to live as a universe of all the possibilities of softness.

- I feel an intergalactic infinity of softness imbuing each and every one of my cells.

- I feel how the vibration of softness relaxes my voice, my muscles and my vibe.

- Creator teaches me Creator’s definition of openness.

- I feel the vastness of how to stay open emotionally in all manner of extreme situations.

- Creator sends me the angels of emissaries of love who teach me to stay open: Ghandi, Buddha, St Theresa, Martin Luther King and more.

- I know how it feels to have Quan Yin, the universal mother of mercy, pour her nectar of tender loving compassion into my heart.

- It is commanded that habits of emotional withdraw, hardening, isolating, regret, criticism, self doubt, sadness and anger as a method of self protection ~ when not in the highest good of my soul’s evolution~  be pulled cancelled, cleared and sent to Creator’s light.

- All my past and future selves in all incarnations across space and time who are lovelightbliss master teachers transmit their teachings to me on a cellular level right now!

- Every coil of DNA in every cell of my body instantly re-aligns to a higher frequency of habitual open-minded ness, ease and tenderness.

- I understand how it feels to live as love because it is the pleasurable option!

- I know how it feels to be a joy factory of love because it is the most fun way to live!

- I trust that all experiences are precious gifts to help me be more beautiful, gentle and wise.

- I celebrate the miracle of being alive by trusting, smiling at, touching, and blessing others.

- I am an emissary of affection!

- I am a dearheart, generating a forcefield of enchanted admiration around me!

- I AM the sweetness of life!

- Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!

- It is done!