There is a new type of warrior in America today: the invincible woman. Invincible women are those who play full out with life. These women have gigantic visions and a relentless drive. These are women who compulsively take on multiple projects. They are perpetually busy. In relationships and at work this is a woman rolls up her sleeves do it all! She often sees herself as being able to do everything faster and better than anyone around her. But there is a particular quality that separates "busy" women from invincible ones~ the latter think they need to do it all by themselves. Invincible women are the one's who say "no" when asked if they would like help. Meanwhile they carry the entire world on their shoulders and run themselves into the ground. I should know! I am a recovering invincible woman.
I speak on behalf of the women who masterfully excel at virtually anything they do. The women manifesting empires while working out, juggling relationships and dozens of other hobbies. I speak on behalf of all women who need to carry in that last grocery bag from the car. I speak on behalf of all women who compulsively exhaust themselves.
I have invincibility in my blood. My mom broke all the rules, eloped in the 60's to marry a black man and travelled the world. She was a woman of "firsts": the first person in her family to get a college education, all the way through a PhD in Applied Mathematics. She blasted away the glass ceiling at the World Bank as one of the first women in charge of massive projects around the globe. On the side she had two children, divorced in the 70's when it was still a revolutionary act, bought her own home and became a marathon winner. In her free time on the weekends she rolled up her sleeves for home care: climbing ladders, painting, drilling holes, knocking down walls, planting a massive garden, mowing the lawn, chopping firewood, canning tomatoes for incredible traditional Italian meals. At nights and on weekends she spent amazing amounts of time with me and my brother, going to 4-H, horseback riding competitions and has since taken up arc welding, sculpting and orchid cultivation. Growing up with this gutsy role model taught me that being a woman means being fearless and daring while doing it all.
Are you as dazzled as I am by this list of accomplishments? I'm proud to be the daughter of an invincible woman! She has taught me that anything is possible. Invincible women are superheroines in the US, where the American Dream promises freedom through hard earned success. This mentorship eliminated my self-doubts, allowed me to create idealistic visions and gave me the audacity to tackle the unthinkable and succeed.
So, given how incredible this all is, what's the problem? The disaster of being an invincible woman is that it can require letting go of a delicious, relaxed, and inviting feminine energy which allows one to receive. Here is where my own shady past comes in. When a woman wants to be in charge of everything, idolizes achieving, and moves like lightening there isn't a whole lot of space for a man to be a man or for friends to be friends. When I was hard instead of soft and driven instead of relaxed, romance dwindled. When I tried to do it all and stay in charge, I pushed away those who wanted to work or play with me. Here is my confession: I am not strong enough to be invincible.
Thing is, invincible women often become invincible by letting go of needing. For an invincible women, letting go of needing is powerful. By letting go of the need for rest, nourishment, and support, you express strength.
The dictionary defines invincible as, "too powerful to be defeated or overcome: ie, an invincible warrior." This is where I get curious. As women, are we at battle? Are women struggling to avoid defeat? What is true power? Is being overcome "bad"? Why are we fighting a battle? And is our life force energy best invested into being warriors?
So here is the promised guide for alpha women and those who love them.
10 ideas to contemplate and share...
1. Enjoy having needs.
2. Play with asking for help
3. Have fun with surrender.
4. Dream into resting more.
5. Experiment with letting go.
6. Explore softening as strength.
7. Savor receiving and saying yes.
8. Consider how much less really is.
9. Appreciate how competent everyone is.
10. Wonder about how you can let others be in charge.
The battle isn't over. While I've apprenticed to those who masterfully nap, cultivate chaos, ask for more and loose control, I still have my moments of invincibility. It is an amazing gift. Invincibility is an invitation to deepen the art of being a woman~ a luscious being who compels through invitation, who leads by feeling more emotion and builds trust through vulnerability. I bless all invincible women, and my hope for us is that we can be truly free.