light bliss

Harbin Hot Springs Invocation

I'm just back from 8 days at the lovely Harbin Hot Springs in Northern California. I am so grateful for this sanctuary! As I went from the blazing hot inner sanctum of the hot springs to the freezing cold plunge, I neared delerium. It was so hot and so cold, the only thing I could do was pray. This picture shows the HEART of the healing property, where the waters cook at 109 degrees. Here are some of the words that echoed through me as I wandered up and down the stairs, through the trees, into the wetness...

May I be purified on all levels, planes and dimensions.

May my body be strong.

May my heart be full of love.

May I expand my ability to receive.

May I give more than I ever thought possible.

May I overfow with generosity.

May I forgive easily.

May my Beloved be divinely protected.

May my family be blessed.

May my friends be graced with ease.

May I remember the reason I am here.

May I do the work I am called to do.

May I learn what I need to learn.

May I clean up every aspect of my life.

May I have the courage to open even more.

May my life have room for more angels.

May I release things that no longer serve.

May I be of the greatest service possible.

May I honor You in everything I do.

May I know how it feels to trust everything.

May I open to bigger miracles.

May I ask for help when I need it.

May I love myself unconditionally.

May I surrender.

May I let go.

May I be.

One.

Full Moon Lunar Eclipse Winter Solstice Commitment

This full moon, lunar eclipse, Winter Solstice is the perfect time to envision the future we want to create! It is a time to release what is no longer serving and step into a higher vision of intention. Here is my commitment...

I attract people into my life and deepen relationships with those who are over-the-moon excited to co-create connection! I focus on investing in those who love receiving what I have to give and who express it freely and with enthusiasm. These inspiring people excite me just from being who they are and doing what they do in the world... and I uplift them in the same way. We effortlessly give and recieve together because this investment helps us both feel more alive.

I allow myself to lovingly withdraw from those who do not express care or go out of their way to organize around me. I take responsibility for times when I exhibited over-giving, even when normal people would have walked away. I do the inner work needed to become curious about my part in  training some people to believe that bad behavior is ok.

I take a stand for love and my own tremendous value by setting boundaries. I keep my first attention on me so I am grounded in my own center. I take a stand for absolute mutuality, and accept my need to be cherished and nurtured as sacred.

 

 I love myself by setting 3 limits which I will not tolerate in close friends/loves. I avoid people who exhibit:

1. ambivalence about being with me in any way

2. unavailability (emotional, physical, etc)

3. substance reliance, anger management issues, persistent negativity or disrespect

 

I cultivate diamond clarity by setting 3 requirements for close friends or loves whom I invest more of my energy into. These are people who are:

1. committed to passionately living a life that improves the whole of humanity

2. loving, tender and affectionate

3. developed, with ability and interest in communicating, learning, and evolving

 

I play the most with those who share my values! These core values include: connection, positivity, contributing to others, playfulness, sensuality, freedom, excitement, adventure, physicality, clear communication, relaxation, health, inner peace, self care, and wellbeing.

I magnetize Beloveds to me in quantum numbers who want to be my evolutionary playmates!

 

Thank you for this lazer-like clarity! It is done!

 

xoxo

Christabel

 

How Kauai and CITO Blasted Open My Heart

It's been almost a month since Kauai-KuanYin-Kali swept through my life, like a tsunami, scouring me clean of any semblance of who I am and where I am going. I am finally ready to write about it.

I've experienced "transformation" before, but I don't even think what has been happening to me qualifies. If it was an earthquake in consciousness, it would be an 8 on the Richter Scale in terms of energy released. There is only usually one earthquake of this magnitude on the planet per year and it generally levels the population where it happens. My life, as I knew it, has pretty much been leveled.

Where do I begin? Well I guess with the facts. I was on a trip to Kauai. I was leading a group of 14 women on a Mermaid Retreat to empower, transform and activate the divine feminine within. It was spectacular, but also humbling to learn the art of retreat facilitation by jumping in with both feet.

I asked for feedback and I got it. I heard it was amazing, life-changing, beyond expectations. And I also heard how edgy I can be. I heard how intimidating I can be. I learned how much women around me long for me to soften and soothe, even while I share direct truth. I learned that they craved more nurturing and support. I took this all in and let it sit in my heart, feeling into the need to soften...

For the next 10 days I was mostly alone. Much of my time on the beach was spent listening to a seminar, "Calling in the One". I didn't sign up for the course. It was a bonus included with another I was enrolled in. I had zero expectations.

After the first session I was curious. After the second I was riveted. I started realizing all my own habitual patterns in how I choose partners based on outdated programming and beliefs from my childhood. I started seeing how I have acted in ways that have "trained" my partners to reinforce my own false beliefs through their actions. And for the first time, I started stretching my imagination into a world of partnership possibilities beyond my own personal experience.

I had already been working releasing an outdated belief, "I am alone", for several months. But this program showed me all the ways I have created a life of living alone, working alone, eating alone, playing alone and even being in a relationship pretty much alone. And here I was, even on vacation in paradise, alone. The feeling was acute after having been living so closely with so many women just the week before.

I stopped by some friend's houses who had families. I found myself suddenly mesmerized by the scenes before me. Spectacularly creative, successful women with beautiful home, in loving couples, everything interwoven with animals, kids, art. And for the first time in my whole life, I felt a pang in my gut. A feeling of regret wondering if I was missing out on something fundamental to being a woman, to being human. I felt a craving I never experienced before.

I just started crying. And honestly, it feels like I have been crying on and off ever since.

Even though I was married before and have been in a relationship since a year afterwards, I always had one foot in and one foot out, ready to roll. I was there and not there, needing lots of "space" and aloneness for me. While this was healthy in some ways, I also realize how it kept me feeling "safe" based on old programming. Kauai and CITO helped me loosen the programs, one sunbeam at a time with every hour on the beach. I started feeling supple.

I realized that I actually do want a life partner in my life. I realized that I wanted to believe it is possible to find and be with "the one". I realized I didn't want to live alone anymore. I realized I wanted the whole set up... a house, maybe a dog, maybe kids down the line. I wanted to cook meals together and play together. And I wanted more intimacy in general, closeness between friends and family.

Since I have been home, things have been wrecked, although in a good way. Most centrally, my heart has been feeling so much of everything. I have felt deep sadness. I have felt elation and joy. I have felt grief. I have felt pain. I have felt excitement. So much feeling! Just giving in and allowing it to run through my body without defenses has been profound.

My relationship with Kevin has been in flux. We are trying to figure out where we can be in the face of all this emotion, change and realization... and I've had to surrender to not knowing what will happen. My practice has been to just keep my heart open and send love...

Overall, I have been realizing, for what feels like the first time since being a small child, how much I have insulated myself and my emotions. I see how my first instinct when I have felt pain has always been to pull away from it and become distant to whomever caused it, instead of expressing that I am feeling hurt. I held so much inside.

So now I'm taking 100% responsibility for this life I've created... responsibility for crafting a life of aloneness. I'm taking responsibility for training everyone around me to think that I can handle everything because I'm so independent and happy being alone. And I am taking responsibility for attracting relationships with men and women who reinforce this belief. I've been visioning into the dream of what I desire and letting the new sensations of what partnership can feel like overcome my whole body.

Meanwhile, I feel like I just want to be close to people. I have been out and about as much as possible, at coffeeshops, with friends, at my mom's for dinners, and at events. I have started talking to strangers. I've announced at gatherings that I'm available to provide hugs and snuggles and have relished in human contact. I've been to an HAI retreat and immersed myself in intimacy, communication and love practices, realizing that I can be the source of the intimacy I so long to experience. I've been studying tantric heart opening in circle and deepening my authenticity and embodiment. It feels good.

I gave notice on my Mill Valley apartment, my sweet precious sanctuary which I said I would "never" leave, to go back where I said I would "never" go~ to San Francisco. I know on a gut level that the quality of close contact I desire, love and abundance is there for me. I'm scared because I love the peace and purity of Mill Valley, but I feel as if the universe is pressing me out of the nest. The city has the intense energy needed to shake up my life from it's habits and get me moving on my destiny path. Two amazing women are elated to move in with me, and I am excited to live with them in community. They are visionary entrepreneurs and I know that we will all learn and grow together.

So I am on the edge of a whole new vision for my life. This is a life where where I do whatever it takes to become the woman capable of attracting the caliber of connection and love into my life which I most deeply desire. I'm rolling up my sleeves to become my own princess in shining armor. I'm breaking free from inertia, blame and shame and taking action. And I'm kind of scared shitless. But I'm doing it anyways.

So that's what's up with me. 

xoxo,

Christabel

 

 

Divine Assignment: Open to Beauty

Your divine assignment today is to o-p-e-n fully to beauty. Calibrate your attention to tremble with rapt focus on anything which delights your senses. Train yourself to gravitate towards anything which makes you squirm with delight. Let your eyes linger. Pause. Breathe it in. Become the essence of that which you most enjoy savoring. Let it permeate every cell of your body and nourish your entire being.

Beauty is a healing balm which feeds the soul. It replenishes your aura with luminosity, mending the etheric grids of energy which surround and penetrate you. The frequency of beauty aligns your whole body and activates spiritual awakening. It is an invitation to bask in aliveness. It is a gentle welcome into the joys of the physical. Your senses are the portal to perceiving your body as a living temple. Beauty is a gift that transports you out of your mind and thoughts and into living fully and experiencing the celestial here on earth through sight, smell, taste and touch. 

Take time to notice what is beautiful for you. What colors mesmerize you and provide you with a sense of wholeness? What textures delight your fingertips and your thighs? What shapes and sights entice you?  What smells make your mouth water? What quality of sound tickles you all over in a way which you love? Maybe it is the scent of roses. Perhaps the delicious allure of mangoes, chocolate, coconut or a glass of fine wine. Maybe the gentle plucking of harp strings makes all the hairs on your skin stand. Perhaps you are mesmerized by the sunlight filtering through trees under magestic redwoods or the scent of campfires or elated by the soft fur of puppies as they scamper by your feet.

Spend time with beauty. Make savoring beauty a practice. Slow down. Give yourself fully to all of it. Everything sensuous is a doorway to the divine.

xoxo

Creating a Legacy of Courage

These are the defining moments in life: when you know "the right thing to do" with every fiber of your being. The passion of your conviction rumbles inside, longing for expression. But you pause.

Perhaps you consider...

What will "they" think?

Who am I to do this?

How do I do this?

How will I survive?

Am I crazy?

Is this really worth all the trouble it will bring up?

Maybe you even have outer voices trying to dissuade you from acting on your impulse. Perhaps fast talking people in positions of power, maybe a lover or family members who force you to choose between them and what you desire, or maybe even friends mired in fear who find life safer with you living predictably. Maybe your entire community even challenges you, openly berating you for going against the grain.

When you can stay true to you under the heat of such intense criticism, this is the crucible which forms greatness. Looking back on my life, I can now see that it is the times when I stood up for what I believed in which now define me. It has been in the little conversations where I had to speak up for myself if I wasn't being treated with respect, in the times I revealed something on my mind even if it created extreme discomfort, in the times I acted on a "hair-brained" scheme which turned into a life changing success. For me, these are magic moments of opportunity where I am invited to become who I truly am.

Tonight I saw a movie at the Mill Valley Film Festival called, Made in Dagenham, which depicted how an "ordinary" woman changed history by feeling the pummeling doubts of her own mind and many around her, and moving forward to take action anyways. She acted, not because she was an alpha personality who was comfortable being a leader, but simply because she felt called to do it. Because those around her asked her to step into a higher vision of herself on their behalf.

This movie depicted the struggle of Rita O'Grady as she led a strike against Ford Motors in Britain in 1968, demanding equal pay for women. What I loved about this woman was that she was not naturally composed. She was nervous and it showed. The opinions and hurtful words of others deeply effected her. She had doubts. But she spoke her heart's truth, plain and simple, and it was the power of her heart that mobilized change. She also backed up her heart's truth with stubborn tenacity to prioritize her calling no matter what. Rita had everything on the line... her job, family, friendships, and savings. Even her furniture which was getting re-possessed! But she continued to act on her inner truth.

In additional to being a fantastic movie ~ I laughed, I cried, I was mesmerized ~ what I loved about this experience is that it immersed me in the deep levels of resistance which Rita felt. I viscerally felt the insane level of strength she needed to sustain her commitment. By the end I thought, "hey, if she could do that, I can do anything on my list!"  The bigness of her battle made me realize that all the opportunities I have to live more courageously are quite tame and surmountable in comparison.

So today, I invite you to enjoy the pauses which visit you. Savor the moment of reflection which arises when you are on the edge of a choice which feels big and scary. Notice when you feel a twist in your gut. Feel deeply into all the hesitations and criticisms which arise and appreciate them. Love your doubts. They are really angels, not demons, here to invite you to step into the next level of who you are destined to be. Instead of imagining that you shouldn't have doubts or questions, invite them into your own heart as guests. They are emissaries arriving right on time to invite you to step into a bigger you.

Rita demonstrates that the bottom line is action ~ through movement or speaking. The only thing that matters is that you do it. Do it, especially if it is sloppy and imperfect and full of heart. You don't need to wait to become "ready" or have more skills. You will learn everything you need to know along the way. You don't need to wait for circumstances to be "easier". There is no "one day when" it will feel more comfortable. If you are feeling called to do something, then the time to begin is now.

Loving you,

Intentionally Create a Sense of Belonging

I am surprised by the number of women I speak to who reveal that they feel alone. Words I often hear used are different, separate, isolated, and apart. The irony is that separation is a total illusion, a complete story. We fuel it with our own imagination and stories of why we are "outside the group". 

For most of my life I chose to live with this story. I focused on how I was different instead of how I was the same. My attention lingered on "staying safe" and comfortable apart from others. Over the past year, I have begun to take down the illusionary walls and it feels amazing!

It is time for a major revolution in consciousness.  What if every woman took it upon herself to be a beacon of welcoming, of cherishing, or nurturing, of generous loving? What if a major goal of your life was to create a feeling of being truly seen, accepted and loved in those people around you? We can start with the those in our families and households. Then our own communities, in our own neighborhoods. Then we can extend out to unknown people we pass on the street. And then even further...

Deliberately seek ways to collapse stories of difference with others. Retrain your brain to seek points of connection. Cultivate a sonar which identifies what is you share in common with anyone you meet. Listen deeply and share from your heart. Become a genius at taking in the gaze of others while breathing deeply and giving your undivided gaze as a gift. Become the source of all the acceptance you seek from others! If all else fails, use your imagination and make up stories of why you do belong, why you are loved and why you are a part of the community! 

If you commit to this one change of attitude, you will be amazed at the miracles which unfold!

Riding the Year of the Tiger

In February we went into the Chinese Year of the Tiger. Do you feel it? Can you sense the major energetic difference from the Year of the Ox? I can. Tune in. Take some time to think about how you can use the natural vibrational frequency of this year to benefit your life. Below are some thoughts I have about tigers and what they have to teach and give us in February 2010-2011.

Primal.Tigers are primal. They are in touch with the natural rhythms of the earth, including the land, weather, sound, smell and they have keen eyesight. Their entire beings are connected to their senses. They are one with their environment and can anticipate movement and change. They live, absolutely riveted in the present moment.

How can you get in touch with your own primal pulse? How can you nurture your sense of connectedness to your environment, your family, friends, passions and work? How can gain more information about what matters most to you so you can leap on opportunity at a moment’s notice?

Intuitive. Tigers don’t second guess themselves. They either do something or they don’t. What are your gut instincts telling you? What dream project wants to be birthed? What relationships want to begin or end? What dreams want to be manifested NOW? Let go of psychoanalyzing your instincts. Let go of any story of inadequacy. Forget the story of being confused. Let go of everything that distracts you. Confidently own your intuition without needing approval from anyone. Let that intuition guide you to immediate action!

Focused. Tigers are focused. If need be, they will prowl and stalk their prey for hours. Time disappears because they are focused completely on their desires. How can you immerse yourself in complete devotional observation of your desires? Can you manifest your dreams as if your life depended on it?

Powerful. Tigers have supercharged physical strength and prowess. They have lean bodies with strong muscles. They have incredible dexterity, speed and agility. What are you doing to build your own physical strength this year? How are you tending to your health in good nutrition and exercise?  A powerful body will carry powerful dreams into reality.

Follow Through. Tigers follow through. Weather it is mating, birthing, sleeping,  playing, nurturing, hunting or defending their territory, they do what needs to be done. Tigers don’t procrastinate, mope, over plan or wait until “something” is ready. Tigers act. Now! What is asking for immediate action in your life? How can you leap?

I am loving the dynamic, firey energy that tigers are bringing into my 2010. I am already taking action on new projects which have been sitting on the shelves for years. I encourage you to do the same! Now is the time! Feel free to leave a comment to share your own experiences of the Year of the Tiger with me...

 

 

 

 

Owning My Power, Realizing My Dreams

The way I see it is this: I have a responsibility. Inspired visions from an imagination on fire beg for manifestation in the material world. Dreams aren't made for sleeping on. They visit with purpose. They are alive. And they select their lovers with precision.

I long for enchantment and sparkling miracles. I fantasize about the fantastical and outrageous. And yet, when they begin to fantasize about me, when these eternal forces whisper their secrets in my ears, why do I shrink myself too small to receive?

There are lots of stories I've told myself: "I'm confused", "I don't know the next step", "what will people think?". The question is, what is the payoff? What is being nourished by these tales? The truth is, stories about my imperfection and inadequacy are energy leaks. They zap my bliss. They drain luminosity.

Who am I to claim I am inadequate? Who am I to hide behind the excuse of not being ready? Who am I to hold back with the excuse that no one will come? It's arrogant, really. It's rude, immature and entirely disrespectful. It's a soul level insult.

Today I have decided that enough is enough. It's time. I've got a lot of good ideas. More are lining up outside the door. It's time I roll out the welcome mat, invite them in and feed them.

This is really the purpose of my trip here to Kauai. I am here to love my calling and let it lead me down an unknown path. I am here to open my heart and amplify it's glow. I now promise to love my dreams and callings as precious, purpose and on time!

Affirmations for Luminous Communication

I've been undergoing a re-bith in the way I speak to others, peeling off layers of censorship and holding back. Somewhere along the way, I picked up the habit of editing. Part of being in the healing lands of Kauai for me has washing this all away. If I've learned anything it is this: trying to control feelings and words in anticipation of other's perceived reactions doesn't serve.

As I write this, I'm listening to Shine by Tina Malia and Shimshai. So magical and gentle... this song sounds the way that my heart feels now~ open to letting this magical island of Kauai show me the way to communicate from my heart.I love you, Kauai! You are so beautiful and luminous! Thank you, thank you, thank you!

-I embrace my path as a starseed! I am here to uplift, inspire and elevate the emotional frequency of the planet!

-I magnetically attract crystalline light surfers who speak my language.

-I can easily communicate my intergalactic purpose to anyone of any belief system in language which they can easily understand and relate to.

-I enjoy talking to those of different belief systems because it invites me to inhabit a higher level of clarity.

-I speak to the best in everyone around me.

-It is easy to speak in an authentic way which conveys abstract ideas in tangible ways.

-I am a universal translator of joy!

-I allow myself to reveal when I feel vulnerable, afraid, unsure or tender because I know it creates more points of honest connection.

- I adore using words as textural art, crafting poetic and luminous phrases that embody my message.

- Communication is one of my highest art forms! I savor the opportunity to be more creative, transparent and eloquent!

-I understand that I am inspired to say things in new ways for a reason.

-I cancel and clear all reasons for holding back radiance!

- I savor the vibration of the words I chose and languish in their colors and tones.

- My communication is like music- it stimulates the nervous system of everyone around me in pleasing and pleasurable ways.

-I am a genius at commuicating the core essence of my feelings, thoughts and emotions and at perceiving the essence of others.

Affirmations for Enchantment with Life

I feel an incredible lightness of being here on the islands. There is a deep softening. Last night I was listening to this track and these ideas came to me in a gentle stream, pouring into my consciousness...

-I breathe in angelic consciousness, feeling my heart glow!

- I breathe deeper, inhaling exhileration, exhaling radiance.

-I breathe in the delicious energy of the earth and feel my emotions soften.

-I bask in the shining brilliance of the sun. My cells are becoming brighter and more charged in every moment.

-I open my heart, breathe in tender love and unfurl my beauty...

-It's easy to be luminous, light-charged and generous with my love.

-I let the divine presence of the highest ascended masters beam forth from my eyes!

-I savor each breathe as holy, a miracle of life.

- I allow my gaze to linger as I look deep into the eyes of those around me. I see Source! I cherish!

-I pray that those I meet are infused with the love of Source and that they know they are loved on a cellular level.

-I pulse beauty-love to the food I eat. I send glowing sacred symbols into each piece and send thanks to those who provided me with nourishment.

-I ride waves of bliss with deeper and deeper breaths, giving myself fully to life and loving the gift of being alive.

-I inhabit the furthermost vibrational expansion of my potential with spiritual confidence and magesty.

-I am am devotee of life force energy!

- I prioritize my luminescence!

- I allow the beautiful earth to nurture and support my whole being.

-My body feels deeply! My emotions to dance playfully! My mind to opens to the vastness of the cosmos!